Johannavonsutten’s Weblog

Oh, life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up

– R.E.M Losing My Religion

It is fitting that today it was raining. Today was the day that I lost all faith in humanity. Simple things that should be delt with simply were simply not delt with at all. Lies surfaced and sides were chosen. I ended up on the happy side. I will come out on the other side with everything in tact. Just with a little less money.

I finished a book. Forever In Blue to be exact. It was disappointing. Not that it did not make my heart smile with the lesson at the end about being together was the more important thing. The disappointing fact was that straight laced, level headed Lena had sex with a boy that she had known less than three months. When did this become okay? I understand that things like this happen everyday, but these books are read by impressionable teenage girls. Tibby also sleeps with Brian but her experience shows a somewhat realistic side to it all. She fears that she might be pregnant and alienates Brian and herself from her friends. Carmen taught us all that we must be who we were ment to be no matter how invisible we feel to other people. Bee taught us it is okay to kiss a married man and not tell your boyfriend about it. But she also taught the deeper lesson of sticking to family no matter what, which was a lesson I needed in particular.

I’m going to stay with my mom tomorrow for a couple of days. I don’t want to. I feel less and less genetically linked to her everytime she speaks. She needs to learn to be my mother before she can be my friend.

I don’t know if I need to move. If I do, I’ll lose my friends in some form or fashion but who is to know what I’ll gain from it all.

I hate that its Saturday night, I’m 21, and I spent the whole night with my aunt and grandmother watching August Rush.