Oh when you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never
Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya – I’d always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life
– Bryan Adams Summer of ‘69
I don’t want to be this kid. Who looks back and wonders “what happened to all that time” or “what did I do with my life.” But it seems to be my destiny. I hope that the next year of my life brings more than this one did.
Everytime I hear Summer of 69 I’ll think of you. I’ll remember that feeling of sitting in the car and singing it with you at the top of my lungs and playing silly card games the whole way home and wishing that that day never had to end. Maybe things will change this May, and maybe not. Who knows but God. I just wish I could see down the road and what our relationships are to each other’s lives. Eh. You’ll probably go off to college and find someone and I’ll just stay here wishing and wondering.
I know I should be writing papers but I don’t want to. I should be doing a lot of things but I resist. I just want it all to be over. I want to be an adult and have a real life and I want to know how it is all gonna play out. But I guess thats the point of growing up, making mistakes and learning and growing. I know that I need to pull my act together but I just wanna goof off and be the teenager that I never got to be. I have too much fun just sitting around the house and playing games and doing nothing with my time.
I saw you two having sex Saturday night. No worries, I was angry but now I understand. I still don’t think that you will make it in the long run, or atleast I hope not cause I really don’t like him most of the time. I want your happiness. Once you start school again maybe you’ll realize how different you are from him. I just don’t think if yall fight as much as you do now in the future that you will be very happy..
I was hoping to learn a few things
I’m dying to know
do you do you like dreaming of things
so impossible or only the practical
or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days
just to end them with
someone you care about
and do you like making out
and long drives and brown eyes
and guys that just
don’t quite fit in
– DC So Impossible
Some times I imagine that the way you seem to look at me and I think I see it. The smallest flicker of passion towards me. I think in my head “really we are just delaying what is gonna play out, we are just too investest in each other’s lives to walk away.” Then I reconsider and come to my senses. I have the strongest desire just to reach out and touch you but I know how these things have played out before and keep my wandering hands to myself. I know all the reasons why it should be you but all the other reasons sound better to me. You were missed tonight, mostly by me, hopefully soon I will see thee.
I should be learning more of the french that I’m gonna be tested on tomorrow, but I cannot concentrate. I just wanna read my book and hide away. I don’t wanna go to class, either of mine, tomorrow. Someday I will be teaching the class and I hope to look forward to those classes.
I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do, and I know what everyone else wants me to do. How can a people pleaser please everyone, including herself? Do I stay or do I go? How do I tell everyone that I’m going regardless. I just want to be independent and my own person before I have to go be a part of the big scary world. I wish I could cut my cords easier.
I’ve started a new book, Extras. If you’ve never read the Uglies, Pretties, Specials series then you totally should. They are really good books. I couldn’t put them down and finished them in a weekend… all of them. So far so good. Next on my list is Twlight and I get to see what the whole edward cullen thing is about.
I need a good dashboard concert to make my life happier. But Panic[!] is soon so that’ll do.
