Johannavonsutten’s Weblog

The August sky will then bare witness
To a brand new chapter with torn up pages
When the planets align, I can feel the gates opening
To my courage
As I proceed to run my fingers through her hair
And forget everyone who’s jaded, ’cause they don’t matter
And I don’t care
No, ’cause they don’t matter
And I don’t care

– The Night Will Go As Follows The Spill Canvas

The time I’m with you splits my decision up. Part of me understands that you are way too young for me. And the other part wants you more and more. I’m leaving soon and you won’t be around for long after I return.  If you go to the beach with us it’ll be hard. But it’ll either make or break us. Maybe I’ll find someone to steal my heart while I’m gone. We can only hope.

As time comes nearer for me to leave, it hits me as to how much I really don’t want to go. I know all the reasons I should (money, people, something to do) and then I know all the reasons I want to stay (people). But maybe this one will be different. I’ve aleady given up on my hope of moving away so theoretically this is my last chance at a boy until after I graduate in the fall. I don’t mind being alone — just sometimes it really sucks..

I haven’t read anything much lately, I’ve been bogged down with school and now I’m concerned with doing what I need to get done. I have discovered new bands who are slowly getting my love.

There is never enough money or time for everything. Money would be nice, but time would be better. (another reason I’m going).

I always wonder if my life would have been different. But I’m happy that it is not. I like who I am even if you don’t. I like who I am becoming even if you disapprove. I’m the only one of my siblings who is gonna make anything of themselves so deal with it. I’m not you and I’m never going to be you no matter how much you try to make me.